Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass

"Charlie Goes America All Over Everybody's Ass" is the sixteenth episode of the American situation comedy series It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia aired on August 10, 2006 on the FX Network in the United States. The episode was directed by Dan Attias and written by Rob McElhenney and Charlie Day.

Plot

The gang is talking about how Dee is a failure because she did not find success as an actress. Charlie comes in and complains that he can't deal his chores at the bar, which include killing rats. While he's complaining, Dennis starts blowing smoke into Charlie's face, which upsets him. He argues that the gang should ban smoking in Paddy's, while Mac and Dennis disagree. This argument continues into the topic of freedom, and Mac and Dennis start claiming that smoking bans suppress freedom. Charlie disagrees and he and Dee team together to win the argument over who can be more patriotic against Mac, Dennis, and Frank.

Charlie and Dee go to a rally advocating that smoking should be banned from Philadelphia. Charlie is impressed by the passion of the rally's leader, and afterward asks to join the group. However, he becomes shocked when the leader starts smoking, and the guy admits that he is only a hired actor with no actual desire to ban smoking. Angered that the actor is a hypocrite, Charlie decides that he will create his own rally.

Back at Paddy's, the other three decide to re-open the bar to be more patriotic and free, with hardly any restrictions. Frank wants the bar to have no gambling restrictions, while Mac and Dennis focus on filling the bar with women. Mac wants sorority girls, but Dennis wants them to hunt for women at the library, because as Dennis says, they don't want "wild girls," but rather "real girls gone wild."

Now at Dee's apartment, Charlie and Dee start doing exercises so they can be prepared when they start protesting. Dee gives him some tips to be a good protester for when he does public speaking, since she's convinced Charlie will suffer stage fright and freeze up.

At the bar, Mac and Dennis are doing a New Orleans-style Mardi Gras theme and women are flashing them for beads. In an attempt to make his friends more comfortable, Frank asks Mac and Dennis to start playing a CD with Vietnamese music. Mac and Dennis are disturbed by this but they can't stop Frank because they are committed to absolute freedom, so they make a compromise by telling Frank that they will play the Vietnamese music the next day if they can keep their music playing for the rest of the day.

Dee and Charlie start their own rally. People start congregating around the two protesters as Dee starts with a short speech. However, Charlie is nervous when it's his turn to speak, and just as Dee feared, he freezes up and fails to say anything. After a few seconds of silence, Charlie vomits.

At the bar, Mac and Dennis are sharing their disgust with Frank's Vietnamese music. However, they still attempt to get a woman to flash them, but she stops twice. The first time is when one of the Vietnamese men is trying to catch a peek at her between Mac and Dennis, and the second time is due to seeing Liam and Ryan McPoyle. The McPoyles reveal that they were released from jail and are now on parole. Dennis and Mac want to throw out the McPoyles, but realize that with no rules, the McPoyles are technically welcome in the bar. Therefore, they order the McPoyles to refrain from doing any "weird" stuff, but the McPoyles remind them that with no rules, they can do whatever they want. Shortly after, Frank asks for some sharp knives for his poker game, as one of the guys wants to bet his fingers. Mac and Dennis make another compromise by letting Frank and the Vietnamese men move to the basement, but they will be allowed to do whatever they want without complaints.

The next morning, Charlie and Dee return to see many people passed out at the bar. Charlie wants to redeem himself for the incident at the previous rally, but Dee doesn't want to help. Charlie is again angered and leaves the bar. Mac and Dennis return to taunting Dee, so she invites Artemis over to her apartment, and they plan a street performance outside the bar.

The next time at the bar, the McPoyles are still at the bar, and they are joined by their sister, Margaret. The brothers ask Mac and Dennis if they will give their sister beads if she flashes them, which disgusts Mac and Dennis. The bar is now completely void of hot girls, and is now filled with creeps and drug users. At the same time, Dee and Artemis are outside the bar, dressed up in fancy clothes, and they start their street performance. However, they are interrupted by an enraged Charlie, who chases away the show's audience.

Ryan and Margaret McPoyle have started making out with each other with Liam watching in approval, which again disgusts Mac and Dennis. Charlie enters the bar with Dee, and he admits to everyone that he gives up on winning the argument. When he sees the McPoyles, he approaches them and tells Liam that he's sorry for sending them to jail, and he can stab Charlie for revenge whenever he wants. Liam immediately obliges and stabs Charlie in the back with a fork. This is the final straw for Mac and Dennis, and they order Dee to clear the entire bar while they clear out the basement. When they get to the basement, they walk in to witness Frank leading a game of Russian roulette. With the camera on Mac and Dennis, we hear a gunshot and a body collapse. The show ends with Dennis saying, "I'll go call the cops."